First of all, it would be helpful to define what “unequally yoked” means.
A yoke was a wooden beam cross the shoulders of two animals, usually oxen or horses, which harnessed them to do some task better together than they could have attempted singly. The success of the operation, however, depended on the compatibility or suitability of the two animals to each other. As it says in Deuteronomy 22:10: “You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey.”
Why? The differences in the internal temperaments and energies of the animals, and their external structures and sizes, as well as the fact that an ox does not tolerate the smell and breath of a donkey, would mean that the work would not be done very well, if it was done at all. The animals could well pull in different ways as well as in different directions. The yoke would become an irritation and a pain, a hindrance to each one instead of a help to both of them. Unnatural combinations lead to confusion and discord as does compromise with the world. Apply these principles spiritually and we will quite clearly see the problems.
There are many examples in both the Old Testament and the New Testament about this principle. Let us review some of these.
In Deuteronomy 7:3-6, we read: “Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the LORD will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly. But thus you shall deal with them: you shall destroy their altars, and break down their sacred pillars, and cut down their wooden images, and burn their carved images with fire. For you are a holy people to the LORD your God; the LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples on the face of the earth.”
It is abundantly clear that God didn’t want them to become involved with paganism – they were a holy people. To intermarry with them was therefore unlawful. Today, we are holy to God and completely different from the society around us as well as being completely different to the many denominations of mainstream Christianity who have absorbed so many pagan customs. This is a principle that we must not try and work our way around.
Matthew Henry’s Commentary states the following:
“This very thing – talking about mixed marriages had proved of fatal consequence to the old world and thousands in the world that now is[,] have been undone by irreligious ungodly marriages; for there is more ground of fear in mixed marriages that the good will be perverted than of hope that the bad will be converted.”
Further examples can be reviewed in Joshua 23:13 and 1 Kings 11:1-10 where the wisest man who ever lived, apart from Christ, fell into the same trap. The marriages could well have been mostly political unions and this meant that Solomon tolerated and provided for the religions of his foreign wives. Those of us with much less wisdom have to be even more careful. Also please note Ezra 9:1-2; 10:10; Nehemiah 13:23-27.
Invariably, the bad nearly always superimposes itself over the good – that is just the way that it is. How many brethren have we known who simply have had a problem attending the Feast because of an unconverted and difficult spouse? Over the years, there have been so many difficult situations because God’s instructions have either been ignored or circumnavigated.
If we have been called and chosen, we should not let such things stand in the way of serving the living God who has called us. Either God comes first or He doesn’t. Of course, many members have been called after they were married, but the issue that we are addressing in this Q&A is about God’s people intending to marry outside the faith.
There are enough Old Testament examples to clearly show the dangers of marriage which do not conform to biblical instruction. In Proverbs 3:5 we read: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” and 1 Corinthians 10:11, the apostle Paul wrote: “Now all of these things happened to them as examples, and they were written for our admonition…”
Amos 3:3 gives us sound advice: “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” This applies in any walk of life but surely none more so than in marriage.
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 is very clear: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people.’ Therefore ‘Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you.’ ‘I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the LORD Almighty.’”
The New Bible Commentary states: “The apostle strongly exhorts Christians not to mix with unbelievers in the sense of sharing their lives. Marriage is, of course, the supreme way of sharing in the life of another. God dwells in the hearts and lives of believers, and God has no fellowship with Satan. Therefore, believers cannot tolerate companionship with unbelievers in their distinctive activities.”
To be separate is to be different and to live in this world’s society means that a true Christian must have different standards of behavior. The reasons for not entering into an unequal yoke has to do with differences which exist between believers and unbelievers. Note that these differences actually, and already, exist. Many who have taken on an unequal yoke have eventually and tragically found out how opposite they are. So many have also found that the wrong end of a yoke had distorted the right end, and whatever compromise had been reached is well below what would have been anticipated at the start.
It is always easier to be dragged down than to pull up! To be unequally yoked can, for those Christians who are not too strong in the faith, be a real trial particularly when married to a strong-willed non-baptised spouse. It can lead to spiritual shipwreck if the member is not very careful. But why would anyone want to put themselves in that position anyway? Isn’t our calling the most important thing in the world to us? If it isn’t, then it should be and nothing should divert us from the true path to which we have been called.
In 1 Corinthians 7:12-13 we read about an existing marriage: “But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.”
However, what we are addressing in this Q&A is those who are baptised and are contemplating marriage, not those who are already married.
But those who are looking for a loophole can debate the definition of a believer which, biblically, is quite clear cut. This can be a good opt-out clause. If the definition of a believer can be re-constituted according to personal requirements, then the Scriptures can be made to fit in with those who may have a vested interest in this matter. We have to live by every Word of God.
A Christian is someone who has repented of their sins, accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Saviour, has been baptized and received the Holy Spirit and who lives an obedient Godly life, growing and overcoming as they strive to make it into God’s Kingdom. We can surely see that the way of life that true Christians are to follow is a narrow and difficult way that needs faith. God is only calling a few now and we should only marry those of the faith so that we don’t become unequally yoked. Let us be honest with Scripture about who is and isn’t a believer which must always be based on biblical evidence, irrespective of vested personal interests or circumstances.
What are the fruits of being unequally yoked? Marriage is something that even two baptised members have to work hard at to make it a success and this is with two people who have committed themselves to true Christianity. But consider that where there are “two minds” – a converted one and an unconverted one – further problems are bound to ensue. Problems are things that we should be trying to eliminate, if possible, before they even arise!
In 1 Corinthians 7:39 we read: “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”
A marriage “in the Lord” means a marriage between two believers. This is the universally accepted understanding by virtually all biblical scholars. The New Bible Commentary observes that “The command to marry only within God’s redeemed community was to be maintained throughout the Old and New Testaments.”
In our Q&A, “Is it a Biblical obligation or merely a Church tradition that God’s ministry officiate during a wedding or burial of Church members?” we stated the following:
“Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:14-17 that we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Therefore, the ministry of the Church of the Eternal God in the USA, the Global Church of God in England, and the Church of God, a Christian Fellowship in Canada, will only officiate over a marriage between a man and woman, if both are baptized in the faith, and have received God’s Spirit.”
Surely this is clear enough that marriage should only be to other believers. Of course, the lack of availability of a suitable mate in the true Church of God today can be seen as a problem. Those who are single, male or female, and who may want to get married (not every single does want to marry) must ask themselves if they would make a good husband or wife if the situation arose. Would they be a good catch? Or are they too set in their ways to make all the necessary adjustments that are necessary when getting married?
We must be very, very careful that we don’t fall into the trap of trying to say that what Paul said was just an instruction for that time, some 2,000 years ago, and was fine for then but not for today. That is the way of the world where people can “pick and mix” those bits that seem convenient whilst ignoring the inconvenient bits. Such an approach allows the culture of the day to become more important than God’s clear instructions! As we read, ALL Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16).
It has been said that some marriages with a baptised member and someone who is not interested in the Church can be as good, and in some cases better, than a marriage between two baptised members. In a small number of cases that may be true, but because we can come up with an exception here or there doesn’t negate clear biblical teaching on this matter. That actually can be faulty reasoning to justify a wrong and inappropriate action.
It’s not what we think that’s important, it’s what God instructs which is always for our benefit and ultimate good. We are to judge by the fruits and a marriage with a member and a non-member can cause considerable problems, not only for themselves but also for their children who can be pulled in two conflicting directions. Anyone who wants to marry an unbaptised person cannot expect that God will convert their spouse. Of course, it might happen on occasion, due to God’s unmerited grace and mercy, as the unconverted mate is “sanctified” by God through the believing mate, making it possible for the unbeliever to have access to God, but invariably he or she does not take advantage of the privilege, and there is absolutely no biblical evidence and no biblical promise to say that it will happen.
We must always believe what the Bible instructs. We can’t agree with everything in the Bible and exclude that one thing that impacts adversely on our lives, that one thing that we wished wasn’t there! There may be those around who, through personal circumstances, have become unequally yoked but consider their understanding of the verses we have examined in this Q&A to be somewhat at variance with what Scripture clearly reveals. Whatever the Scripture says, let us be obedient to it and not use human reasoning to try and get around that which is clearly revealed. A baptised member should only marry another baptised member.
This same principle can also apply to business relationships. One commentator stated the following:
“The ‘unequal yoke’ is often applied to business relationships. For a Christian to enter into a partnership with an unbeliever is to court disaster. Unbelievers have opposite worldviews and morals, and business decisions made daily will reflect the worldview of one partner or the other. For the relationship [better: business partnership] to work, one or the other must abandon his moral centre and move toward that of the other. More often than not, it is the believer who finds himself pressured to leave his Christian principles behind for the sake of profit and the growth of the business. Of course, the closest alliance one person can have with another is found in marriage, and this is how the passage is usually interpreted.”
There have been some instances where this biblical injunction has been ignored either in marriage (which we have largely covered in this Q&A) or in business by members, but because there have been some exceptions where it might have worked out, does not mean that these rare instances invalidate God’s instruction.
There is another way of understanding God’s prohibition to be unequally yoked. In our Q&A, “Would you please explain how we should apply Romans 16:17-18?” we stated:
“Paul’s message to the Corinthians regarding their affiliations left little room for compromising: ‘Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). People who do not continue in the truth of God are in grave danger of falling back into the world—the society whose god is Satan (compare 2 Peter 2). Their light will fade into darkness, and they will become an unbeliever.
“This is why we have such strong warnings against fellowshipping with dissident individuals. In his day, Paul had to contend with those who rejected the leadership of Christ—as we do in our time: ‘Brethren, join in following my example, and note those who so walk, as you have us for a pattern. For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame–who set their mind on earthly things” (Philippians 3:17-19).
“[Those] who are blatantly rebellious and full of resentment and accusations, must be avoided. Understand that these attitudes are often masked by deceptive representations in order to justify themselves.”
In conclusion, we are instructed not to be unequally yoked and that should be good enough for the people of God.
Lead Writer: Brian Gale (United Kingdom)
