Many years ago, I heard an interesting sermon by a minister of the (now defunct) Worldwide Church of God, in which he applied many passages in Ephesians 4 and 5 to the Christian marriage. I took notes (still in my possession) and have thought about this concept many times. I do not remember the minister’s name, but I do remember his message.

Using some of those interesting thoughts, and elaborating on them, let us review in this Q&A some of Paul’s statements in Ephesians 4 and 5, which definitely have meaning, application to, and relevance for a successful marriage.

Ephesians 4:14-15 reads:

“… that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ…”

Applying this passage to a Christian marriage, we are admonished not to be unstable, unreliable or unsettled, and we should not always be ruled by emotions (one is glad and happy at one moment, and then sad and upset the next moment). This also includes the directive to speak the Truth in love—and not in anger and with a desire to get back at our mate. Even telling the Truth can be wrong and it can hurt our mate unnecessarily, when it is done with false motives and not with love (which is outgoing concern for the welfare and benefit of others). The Truth told in love can hurt too, even if it is told with the desire to help one’s mate. It may take great wisdom and discernment to make the right distinction and decision in that regard. We are to become like Christ who never hurt another person unnecessarily.

Ephesians 4:17, 22 continues:

“This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind… that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts…”

We are told not to live any longer like those in the world with foolish and ungodly desires and deceitful lusts. We all did so in the past, but we need to get rid of such conduct and behavior, as it will destroy our marriage.  

Ephesians 4:25-27 states:

“Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another. ‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”

Nothing can destroy our marriage faster than lying to our mate. You might recall this famous analogy: Each lie is like a stone which becomes part of a wall. This wall grows higher with every lie, until the wall is so high that we cannot climb it anymore or jump over it. The two mates are separated without coming together again. The same applies to anger. We must control our emotions, as we already pointed out. There is a time for righteous anger, but even then, it must be controlled and must not linger. The goal must be to bring about reconciliation “before the sun sets.” A problem should be resolved immediately or as soon as possible, because if we wait too long, Satan is right there to influence us to believe that it is alright to stay angry and even to develop hate for our mate. His desire is to destroy our marriage, and we must not let that happen.

Ephesians 4:28 continues:

“Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.”

It should be self-evident that we are not to steal from our mate. In many, if not most cases, a couple has all things in common, so how could we possibly steal from our mate? One way would be to buy, secretly, things we do not need or should have, and of which our mate would not approve.

Ephesians 4:29 says:

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.’

We should try to refrain from making rude and offensive comments which our mate does not appreciate. Otherwise, we will cause unnecessary offense, which needs to be avoided so as not to jeopardize the well-being of our marriage. 

Ephesians 4:31-32 continues:

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”

Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil and malicious speaking to and about our mate could all lead to the destruction of our marriage. This includes the tendency to bring up things from the past which should have been resolved, forgiven and forgotten. It is always wrong to “make a mountain out of a molehill.” Rather, even in times of stress, disappointment, disagreement and quarrels, we must be kind and tenderhearted to one another, willing to forgive and to forget. It has been said that the success of a Christian marriage (with both parties being converted) may be an indicator of the depth of our conversion.

Ephesians 5:3 states:

“But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints…”

As married couples, we must stay away from and flee adultery (fornication being a violation of God’s Law committed by two unmarried people, while adultery describes a situation where at least one party is married). Adultery is related to covetousness, as an adulterer covets the wife or husband of his or her neighbor or another person. Such conduct is absolutely not fitting for converted Christians, and adultery may constitute a biblical ground for divorce.

Ephesians 5:6 continues:

“Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.”

In the context of marriage, we are not to listen to foolish “advice” or persuasions from our “friends,” who might say: “You can do this. Sleep with him or her. No problem. Your mate won’t find out about it.”

Ephesians 5:11 says:

“And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.”

Such friends, as described above, are not real friends at all. They should be avoided. Our fellowship with darkness—with people who are not good for us—might lead to unsolvable problems in a marriage. We need to therefore evaluate whether our close contact with certain people is in fact healthy. Once we “expose” our contact and find that it is not fruitful, but leads to conduct we should not be engaged in, we need to break up such relationships.

Ephesians 5:16 reads:

“… redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”

We are to be careful that we do not waste our time on unprofitable things which, in the context of our marriage, alienate our relationship with our mate; especially, when one mate may approve of those things, while the other mate may not. Rather than doing things on our own, we ought to find ways to do things of common interest together.

Ephesians 5:18 continues:

“And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit…”

Another sure factor contributing to the destruction of a marriage is the improper use of alcohol. Consuming alcohol modestly is not wrong—Paul even encouraged Timothy to drink a little wine because of his frequent sicknesses (1 Timothy 5:23)—but to drink too much, and that on a continued basis, may well ruin the marriage relationship. Some who are drunk become very aggressive; others become silly and unresponsive. That could be an embarrassment to the sober mate; especially, when it occurs in public. A person loving his or her mate will do everything he or she can to overcome his or her alcoholism.

Ephesians 5:19-20 states:

“… speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ…”

Our focus should be on the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and a Christian marriage will be guided by principles and conduct which are in harmony with God’s Word and not contrary to it.  Sinful conduct will have its automatic consequences for a marriage, and even if both parties consent to such conduct, if it is wrong, the punishment will follow swiftly (Galatians 6:7-8).

Ephesians 5:21 states:

“… submitting to one another in the fear of God.”

One of the most important keys to a successful and happy marriage is to look after and consider the interests of our mate and not only our own interests (Philippians 2:3-5). When both mates do this, then a harmonious relationship will result. Also, the following verses deal with the conduct and responsibilities of the husband to his wife; and of the wife to her husband. If both treat each other in a godly manner, then the lasting success of a Christian marriage is so much more secure.

Ephesians 5:33 concludes:

“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

In this verse, Paul summarizes the important instruction by emphasizing the two major facts of a marriage (i.e., the husband loves his wife and the wife respects her husband), which might determine whether a marriage will or will not succeed.

We say this in our free booklet, “The Keys to Happy Marriages and Families”:

“Unless we walk in the ‘fear of God’ and ‘in love’ toward the other person, any role carried out, even if done perfectly according to the letter, will not produce a happy marriage. Further, we must concentrate on how to carry out our roles. We must do so as ‘wise’ persons—not as fools—and we must try to find out what the ‘will of God’ is in any given situation—not, what we may want to do. Finally, we must make the best use of the ‘time’ that God has given us—again, using our time to the glory of God and in submission to His will, not to ours. In doing that, we will ‘walk in love’—in love toward God and in love toward our mate.

“And if we walk in this kind of love, we will be able to ‘submit one to another.’ That is, we will be looking at the interests and needs of the other person—not just at what we may be interested in. Submitting one to another does not mean that we have anarchy—no leadership whatsoever—but it does mean that the one who is to lead is the one who is expected to serve the most…”

The booklet then sets forth many principles of righteous living which must be followed by both marriage partners to guarantee a successful lasting marriage. Please read or re-read our free booklet, and better yet, if you do not have one already, please order your free personal copy so that you can mark those passages which are most important for and applicable to you.

Lead Writer: Norbert Link

The distinction is interesting, and it is obviously done on purpose. Let us review the Scriptures carefully to see why this distinction is made.

Let us note, to begin with, that God originally created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1). The Bible speaks about three heavens—the atmosphere, the universe and the third heaven (2 Corinthians 12:2)—invisible to the human eye—where God dwells. In Genesis 1:1, the reference to the heavens (Hebrew: shamayim, a plural word) seems to apply to the first and the second heaven. However, God also created the third heaven with all its spiritual components, including His throne, His temple, the heavenly Jerusalem, and the heavenly garden or Paradise, because we read that the Father created everything there is through Jesus Christ (John 1:1-3)—the visible and the invisible (Colossians 1:16). We understand, of course, that both the Father and Jesus Christ have always existed; Christ was not created (Hebrews 7:3). So it was the God Family who created everything.

Let us start to review the biblical passages which say that God will make new heavens. When we read that God will create new heavens, we need to determine by the context which heavens we are talking about.

Isaiah 66:22 reads:

“‘For as the new heavens and the new earth Which I will make shall remain before Me,’ says the LORD, ‘So shall your descendants and your name remain.’”

The following two verses describe a situation at the beginning of the Millennium. Even though this passage might very well apply to the eternal existence of God’s people and therefore to an eternal existence of a new heaven and the new earth (see below, but note the distinction), it seems to refer, foremost, to the situation on earth and, in part, the physical universe. We read about heavenly signs and that “the host of heaven shall be dissolved” and “their host shall fall down“ and that “the heavens shall be rolled up like a scroll” and that the sky “receded” or “split apart” (Margin) as a scroll when it is rolled up (compare Isaiah 34:4; Revelation 6:12-17) and that the powers of the heavens will be shaken prior to Christ’s return (compare Luke 21:26). It appears that they will all be restored to a peaceful and unthreatening physical condition of “new heavens” and a new earth during the Millennium and beyond.

Isaiah 65:17 reads:

“For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth; And the former shall not be remembered or come to mind.”

The Cambridge Bible for Schools and Colleges writes:

“… there can be no doubt that the words are to be interpreted literally. At the same time the new creation preserves as it were the form of the old, for the next verse shows that a new Jerusalem is the centre of the renovated earth.”

Verses 19-25 continue to describe the situation at the time of the Second Resurrection. Even though this passage might very well apply to the eternal existence of God’s people and therefore to an eternal existence of a new heaven and a new earth (once again, see below with an important distinction), the commentary, cited above, seems to refer, foremost, to the situation on earth, as being “renovated,” and also in respect to the physical condition of the heavens before, at and following the Second Resurrection. Please note that Isaiah 65:19-25 refers to the Second Resurrection; compare especially Isaiah 65:20 hinting at the 100-year-period of the Great White Throne Judgment. Even though the conditions will be similar to the conditions during the Millennium, there will be differences (compare Isaiah 65:25 with Isaiah 11:6-9 where the reference to dust being the serpent’s food is missing). Note also that Isaiah 65:17 (“I create new heavens and a new earth”) is followed by a description of the conditions during the Second Resurrection.

Isaiah 51:6 reads:

“Lift up your eyes to the heavens, And look on the earth beneath. For the heavens will vanish away like smoke, The earth will grow old like a garment, And those who dwell in it will die in like manner; But My salvation will be forever, And My righteousness will not be abolished.”

Barnes’ Notes on the Bible states:

“The word which is rendered here ‘shall vanish away’ (מלח mâlach), occurs nowhere else in the Bible… it means to glide away, to disappear. The idea here is, that the heavens would disappear, as smoke is dissipated and disappears in the air.”

The Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary states:

“… vanish away—literally, ‘shall be torn asunder,’ as a garment.”

Again, this passage in Isaiah 51:6 seems to describe the death of many people and the “destruction” of the earth and the atmosphere and at least part of the universe at the time of Christ’s return and their subsequent restoration. Note that it says that the heavens will vanish away “like smoke” and the inhabitants of the earth will die “in like manner.”  In strictly an analogous way, a description of people following the beast and the false prophet can be found in Revelation 14:11: “And the smoke of their torment ascends forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night, who worship the beast and his image, and whoever receives the mark of his name.” Here, their smoke “ascends forever and ever,” as the “heavens will vanish away like smoke.”

This destructive cataclysm is vividly described in Isaiah 24:1: “Behold, the LORD makes the earth empty and makes it waste, Distorts its surface And scatters abroad its inhabitants.”

Continuing in verses 19-20:

“The earth is violently broken, The earth is split open, The earth is shaken exceedingly. The earth shall reel to and fro like a drunkard, And shall totter like a hut; Its transgression shall be heavy upon it, And it will fall, and not rise again.”

This earth with its sinful inhabitants will not rise again, but a beautiful world tomorrow will exist after Christ has begun to rule this earth. The next verse continues with describing Christ’s punishment of sinful people “in that day”—referring to the Day of the Lord.

Christ said in Matthew 24:35 that heaven and earth shall pass away, using the singular form for heaven, referring thereby to the first heaven, the atmosphere. It is true, of course, that His words will never pass away, but the specific context of Christ’s statement here is the time leading to His return (compare verse 34).

Turning to the New Testament, we read about new heavens (in Greek: “ouranoi,” a plural word) in 2 Peter 3:5-7:

“For this they willfully forget: that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of water and in the water, by which the world that then existed perished, being flooded with water. But the heavens and the earth which are now preserved by the same word, are reserved for fire until the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.”

As the reference to heavens at the time of Noah applies at first to the first heaven—the atmosphere—and perhaps part of the second heaven; that is, portions of the universe close to earth, perhaps referring to cosmic activities like asteroids, meteors, etc. (see Genesis 7:11), there is no reason to assume that the second reference to heavens in the sentence above applies to something else. In both cases the topic is the destruction of ungodly people—first in the flood and then at the time of Christ’s return and/or at the time of the Third Resurrection when the wicked or the incorrigible sinners, which have been “preserved” or literally, “treasured up” for fire, will be thrown into the lake of fire to be burnt up.

Matthew Poole’s Commentary writes:

“The destruction of the world by fire at the last day, is opposed to the destruction of it by water in the flood.”

2 Peter 3:10-13 continues:

“But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night, in which the heavens will pass away with a great noise, and the elements will melt with fervent heat; both the earth and the works that are in it will be burned up. Therefore, since all these things will be dissolved, what manner of persons ought you to be in holy conduct and godliness, looking for and hastening the coming of the day of God, because of which the heavens will be dissolved, being on fire, and the elements will melt with fervent heat. Nevertheless we, according to His promise, look for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells.”

 The Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary explains the “day of the Lord” and the “new heavens and a new earth” in this passage as follows:

“… ‘the day of the Lord’ comprehends the whole series of events, beginning with the pre-millennial advent, and ending with the destruction of the wicked… and general judgment [In fact, it even goes further than that, describing God’s rule, which will never end.] As the flood was the baptism of the earth, eventuating in a renovated earth… so the baptism with fire shall purify the earth so as to be the renovated abode of regenerated man… new heavens—new atmospheric heavens surrounding the renovated earth.”

Following the explanation of the commentary, this would then not be referring to a new heaven and a new earth consisting of spirit (see below), but to a renewed physical re-creation or restoration of the atmosphere and perhaps the physical universe, as well as a “renovated” physical earth. Please recall that the powers of the heavens will be shaken prior to Christ’s return, so they will also have to be restored, as we discussed, to a peaceful and unthreatening physical condition when Christ has returned.

The Benson Commentary seems to agree, stating:

“The passing away of the heavens and the earth does not mean, it seems, that they will be removed to another part of space, or that they will be annihilated; but that, being burned, their form and constitution will be changed much more, probably, than the constitution or form of the old world was by the flood; destruction by fire being more complete and dreadful than destruction by water.”

Following the interpretation of the commentary, the heavens and the earth would not be “annihilated,” but they would continue to exist in some way, being renewed to a peaceful physical condition. This opinion is also expressed by the next commentary.

Barnes’ Notes on the Bible writes:

“In the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise – That is, what seems to us to be the heavens. It cannot mean that the holy home where God dwells will pass away; nor do we need to suppose that this declaration extends to the starry worlds and systems as disclosed by modern astronomy. The word is doubtless used in a popular sense – that is, as things appear to us; and the fair interpretation of the passage would demand only such a change as would occur by the destruction of this world by fire… The word rendered ‘burned up,’ like the word just before used and rendered ‘fervent heat’ – a word of the same origin, but here intensive – means that they will undergo such a change as fire will produce; not, necessarily, that the matter composing them will be annihilated…”

However, what most commentaries seem to overlook is that a different situation emerges when we focus on “a new heaven”—as distinguished from “new heavens.”

Please note that in the following New Testament passages regarding the creation of a new heaven, the singular word for heaven (In Greek, “ouranos”) is used, which signifies the distinction between what we have discussed so far regarding the new heavens and what we will discuss now—the new heaven.

Hebrews 12:25-28 says:

“See that you do not refuse Him who speaks. For if they did not escape who refused Him who spoke on earth, much more shall we not escape if we turn away from Him who speaks from heaven, whose voice then shook the earth; but now He has promised, saying, ‘Yet once more I shake not only the earth, but also heaven.’ Now this, ‘Yet once more,’ indicates the removal of those things that are being shaken, as of things that are made, that the things which cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear.”

The allusion may be to a new heaven and a new earth, consisting of spirit and abiding forever, as they cannot be shaken or moved and will remain.

In Psalm 102:25-26, we read:

“Of old You laid the foundation of the earth, And the heavens are the work of Your hands. They will perish, but You will endure; Yes, they will all grow old like a garment; Like a cloak You will change them, And they will be changed.”

This “change” is also alluded to in Hebrews 1:10-12:

“But to the Son He [God the Father] says: ‘Your throne, O God, is forever and ever; A scepter of righteousness is the scepter of Your Kingdom. You have loved righteousness and hated lawlessness; Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You With the oil of gladness more than Your companions.’ And: ‘You, Lord, in the beginning laid the foundation of the earth, And the heavens are the work of Your hands. They will perish, but You remain; And they will all grow old like a garment; Like a cloak You will fold them up, And they will be changed. But You are the same, And Your years will not fail.”

In Hebrews 12:25-28, quoted above, the description is referring to the change of the physical heavens and the physical earth, apparently to a permanent condition. It is true that it says that the earth will remain forever (Ecclesiastes 1:4). It will indeed; a transformation and change from physical to spiritual will make the physical earth and the physical universe cease to exist—they will be changed to spirit. We are told that true Christians who are still alive at Christ’s return, will be changed from corruptible to incorruptible and from mortal to immortality (1 Corinthians 15:51-54; compare also Job 14:14 and Philippians 3:20-21 in the Authorized Version). They still will die (Hebrews 9:27); that is, their physical cells and existence will die, and they will be changed to immortality.

The Bible applies the description of this change to the physical earth and the universe.

Romans 8:18-23 states:

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation (“the created universe”; Revised English Bible) eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption (or “decay”; New International Version, Revised Standard Version) into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption [better: sonship], the redemption of our body.”

As true Christians will be changed to glory at the time of Christ’s return, the entire creation is “waiting” for this event and it will also, ultimately, be changed from corruption or decay “into the glorious liberty of the children of God.” When their change has taken place, a development has been set in motion which will lead to the glorious change of the physical earth and universe.

This change of “the creation” will have taken place when God descends “from heaven” to the new earth.

Notice Revelation 21:1-6 which states:

“Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, ‘Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.’ Then He who sat on the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’ And He said to me, ‘Write, for these words are true and faithful.’ And He said to me, ‘It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End…’”

John sees a new heaven (singular), but he also sees the heavenly Jerusalem coming out of heaven to the new earth (the first earth having passed away). And he sees God the Father coming down from heaven to dwell and live on the new earth. No distinction is being made anymore between a first and a second and a third heaven, as there is only one heaven (not two or three), consisting of spirit. It would make no sense anymore to speak of a first heaven—the atmosphere—or even a second heaven—a physical universe—as the universe has become spirit as well, or, if you please, it has become part of the ONE heaven. The END of God’s master plan has been reached—that is, the end or final goal of making all things new—of changing the physical into the spiritual. And from THAT heaven the heavenly Jerusalem descends (compare Revelation 3:12), and so does God Himself to live on the new earth with His glorified sons and daughters—forever.

Lead Writer: Norbert Link